Essential Questions for Couples to Ask Before Marriage

Marriage is a lifelong commitment that requires compassion, love, and compatibility. To avoid marrying based on trial and error, you should ask some questions to find out if you are truly suitable for each other and can live in harmony. In this blog, we’ve listed some key questions that engaged couples should consider. Let’s start!

Love and Intimacy

Romance, love, and intimacy are essential for a happy marriage. Here are some questions that can help you and your partner explore your feelings, needs, and expectations in this area:

• What would remain if physical attraction were not part of our relationship?
• How do you prefer to express love in our relationship?
• Will changes in appearance affect our intimate relationship, and how do we address it?
• What behaviors or actions might make you doubt my love for you?
• How do you feel about the possibility of not having children due to medical reasons?
• Does love mean never apologizing or always apologizing to you?

Past

Your past identifies your beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors toward your partner. Here are some questions to better understand your partner’s nature:

• Would seeing your ex-girlfriend or ex-fiancée affect your feelings towards me?
• Is there anything in your past that you think I should know about?
• What do you dislike or disagree with your ex-girlfriend or ex-fiancée?
• What are some of the flaws or weaknesses that you have, or others have pointed out to you?
• Do you still keep old messages or photos from your ex-girlfriend or ex-fiancée?
• Would you be comfortable with our relationship if I didn’t tell you everything that happened to me in the past?
• Have you ever overcome a bad habit or addiction that you had? What was it, and how did you do it?
• Have you ever been violent or abusive in your previous relationships?

Trust

Trust is the foundation of any healthy and lasting relationship. Here are some questions that can help you and your partner assess and strengthen your trust in each other:

• What are some of the actions or words that shake your trust in me?
• How can I tell if you have lost trust in me?
• Would you be willing to share your financial information and resources with me? How do you feel about me asking you to transfer all your money to my bank account?
• Who is your first priority and comes first for you, and why?
• Is it okay for us to open each other’s e-mails or check each other’s phones?

Future

You create and shape your future with your partner through your choices and actions. Ask these questions to plan and prepare for your future together:

• What are some of the differences between us in terms of personality, values, or preferences?
• How do you spend your time with your friends and family before marriage? How do you plan to balance your social and family life after marriage? Why is it important to you?
• How did your parents handle marital disputes or conflicts? Did you agree or disagree with their way of dealing with disagreements?
• What are some of your fears or concerns about the idea of marriage?
• Where do you prefer to live after marriage? In the village or the city?
• Who do you trust and respect as a source of advice or guidance in resolving our marital issues?
• How do you like to spend your vacation time with your family in the future?

Children

Having children is a decision you should make with your partner based on your values, beliefs, and readiness. Ask these questions to help you and your partner get on one page:

• Do you want to have children?
• How long do you want to wait before having children?
• What kind of schools do you prefer to enroll them in?

Finance

Finance can affect your lifestyle, happiness, and security in your relationship. Discuss these questions with your partners to agree on your financial matters:

• What is your current income and expenses? Do you have any debts or savings?
• How do you cope with financial stress or crisis?
• Do you use credit cards?
• Do you think financial difficulties are a valid reason to delay or avoid having children?
• How do you plan and follow a family budget?
• How do you save money for emergencies or future goals? How much do you save each month?

Communication questions

Communication can help you and your partner resolve conflicts and avoid misunderstandings. These are some questions to identify your partner’s way of communication:

• How do you deal with negative feelings towards me?
• How do you respond when I remind you to do something you promised but didn’t do?
• What are some of the qualities or behaviors that you admire about how your parents treat each other?
• Who are the people that you trust and respect to share our issues with and seek advice from?
• What are some of the reasons or situations that make you not want to talk to me?
• How comfortable and confident are you in communicating with me under any circumstances and on any topic?

Final Thoughts

These questions allow both partners to be open and transparent, ensuring that each understands the other’s views on various aspects, including money, children, trust, the past, and intimate relationships. May Allah Almighty help us find the right partner!